I Claim Self-Love
Meet Gabi Conti, Hollywire host, author of the book Twenty Guys You Date In Your Twenties, and contributing writer for Cosmo. On this week's episode, Gabi shares her story as she claims self-love. After investing over 10,000 hours in dating, going on 30 dates in 3 days, recognizing a pattern of codependency, and experiencing her fair share of heartbreak, Gabi realized she needed to look inward and fall in love with herself first.
Gabi opens up on writing the book Twenty Guys You Date In Your Twenties, "I was probably in the worst place of my life, which eventually became a good place. I do think that perhaps writing the book was helpful. I needed to reflect and look back at my patterns to figure out what I wanted in a partner." Each chapter of her book is dedicated to a different type of man, showcasing common universal struggles singles face in the dating world. She jokingly laughs about dating in her twenties versus her thirties, "You're going to think you're gonna be in love a bunch, and most of the time, that's not the case, but it's totally okay. By the time you turn thirty, you'll think you're going to find the one; also, he's not the one. Being single in your thirties is some of the best years of your life. Then you're going to meet this amazing guy who's worth giving it all up for."
When it comes to red flags, dating etiquette, and proverbial ghosting, Gabi recalls her mindset when she started dating her now-husband, "My patience and my tolerance for bad behaviors on dates were so low. I was like, what do I have to lose because worst-case scenario, he calls me a bitch, and I never see him again. Best case scenario, it's an opportunity to give someone who I felt a spark with a chance." She explains why women should be patient and allow men to ask for the second date versus initiating. She also permits women to take a break from dating if they're not feeling it, "There were many times where I canceled on a date, and I took myself out to dinner, or took myself out for a drink, because you can do that, ladies. There was something about that I felt was freeing and refreshing. I think you still need to make yourself feel like a priority."
Gabi started looking inward, setting necessary boundaries, and being upfront and honest with her dates. She focused on loving herself, which ultimately put her in the right mindset when she matched her now-husband on Bumble. After dating for two years the couple tied the knot on October 9, 2021, in Connecticut.
Tune in to the full episode.
Takeaways from this episode to stash in your tackle box:
Find a way to document your dating experiences so you can recognize patterns and potential red flags. If you don't have someone you feel as if you can confide in, journal.
Dating is a numbers game. Use the apps. They make dating more efficient.
Say yes to the first date, but be picky about the second, third, and fourth. It's okay to be honest and say no thanks if you're not feeling it.
Let the guy initiate the second date no matter how bad you want to see him again. This allows you to embrace your divine feminine energy while gauging his interest in you.
If you're not ready to date, don't force yourself. Take yourself on a date instead. This decision might be the first step in your journey toward claiming self-love.
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additional resources
Click here to download the worksheet that corresponds with this episode: I Claim Self-Love.
Schedule a 15-minute complimentary discovery call regarding 1:1 Coaching with Erin, here.
YSC Unfiltered
Parts of my conversation with Gabi that didn’t make the published episode can be heard on YSC Unfiltered.
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