No “Ragrets”

you remember the neck tattoo in we’re the millers

As part of my adopted healthy habits, I've been listening to or reading 30 minutes a day of personal development. Yesterday I heard Daniel Pink on, you guessed it, The Cathy Heller Show (obviously, I'm obsessed). He talked about regret and his new book: The Power of Regret How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. I was super intrigued by the conversation because it challenged a belief or stance I'd taken a long time ago to live a life of no regrets. Daniel surveyed nearly 17,000 people in over 100 countries and compiled their responses. Now I haven't read the book (yet), but from what I've seen online, it talks about choices that seem irresistible at first but morph into powerful regrets later in life, what Daniel calls foundational regrets. 

You're probably thinking, why is this the caption on a photo of you and a cardboard cutout of Austin Ekeler, but I'm going somewhere with this even if it's a stretch. 

To identify a foundational regret, Daniel suggests listening for the words "too much" whether they attach to alcohol, watching TV, spending money, or an activity whose immediate lure exceeds its lasting value. Then pay attention to the words "too little," whether they describe saving money, practicing a sport or trade, studying in school, or anything that requires a continuous commitment. 

Now here's where I connected the dots in my life relative to regret. And mind you, this is only scratching the surface. I spent the better part of twenty years working "too much." I was motivated by the challenge of climbing the corporate ladder, competing with the opposite sex, trying to shine in a male-dominant industry. The money that came with it was a bonus. I stashed it, invested it, saved it. Fast forward to the pandemic. If you know my story, you know I was laid off from my corporate job. Suddenly, my drive, my relentless pursuit to ink contracts, and see my name on the leaderboard was gone. Poof. But it taught me one of the most important lessons I've learned thus far in my forty years of life—work-life balance.

I know if the pandemic wouldn't have happened and I was still plugging away, tirelessly, one day, I'd look back with regret for missing out on life because I made work a priority above everything else.

I've spent the last sixteen months self-employed, making up for lost time. I've said yes to things I've wanted to say yes to. I've lived in the present, been present, stayed open to opportunity and possibilities, and took a risk putting my heart out there. Although that didn't end how I'd hoped, I wouldn't change a thing. I may have to pivot a bit as I continue to pursue my passion; I'm still working, it's just different, but I will never lose sight of what's truly important, doing my best to make choices in the now that I won't reflect back on later with regret. I challenge you to do some reflection work today and think about the choices you're making in the now. Is there "too much" of something happening, or perhaps "too little?" Journal, ponder, really put some thought into it. Your future self will be glad you did.

So, back to me and this cardboard cutout of one of my favorite Chargers players. This photo may look like a silly photo op to you, but it represents living to me. On this day, I had the flexibility to attend a Chargers event in Santa Monica. Nothing brings me more joy than football. I sported my team colors, wore my beloved yellow bolt earrings, and didn't concern myself with things that sometimes prevent me from doing what I want: traffic or parking limitations. I knew the feeling I would have, the joy I would experience would surpass any perceived obstacle for showing up. So I did, and I was right. I spent the afternoon with my dear friend. We enjoyed margaritas and made new connections because I'll talk to anyone! I posed with every cardboard cutout there. I threw a football through a hole and won a prize. I was outdoors, in the sunshine, making memories, so grateful I now prioritize my time differently, saying yes to what I want to do and no to what I don't want to do. 

I have decided to continue living this way because I have experienced more once-in-a-lifetime experiences, joy, and enlightenment in the last sixteen months than in years. And I know that if I continue living this way, my future self will never regret how I allocated my time. Now is the time to think about your future self, reflecting on who you are today. Is there "too much" of something or "too little?" Act now, so you don't regret it later.