Pillow Talk
She's an attraction and relationship coach residing in Seattle, Washington. The Cora Boyd, as she's known on Instagram, came to Los Angeles for a little "Pillow Talk." After seeing her I.G. story about the event, I decided, why not? So last Thursday night, on a whim, I encouraged a friend to join me at La Poubelle.
We walked into the private room where chairs and couches alike formed a circle. Inside the circle, there were a couple of small tables with empty drinks and candles glowing. In the corner was the bar. I had no idea what I had signed us up for. The room had a faint smell of incense. I wasn't sure if we were going to hear dating tips from the master herself, witness a seance, or engage in a group therapy session.
My friend was immediately out on the idea. I felt bad for dragging her to an event where I had no idea what was going to happen. She's a good friend and is used to my shenanigans, so she took a spot outside the circle while I joined in the mix. Of course, we each grabbed a cocktail.
Cora had each of us introduce ourselves and, as an icebreaker, give a highlight from our week. My week was not all that exciting, so I had to think hard. I'm never good on the spot. So I said, "Hi, I'm Erin. My highlight from the week is working from home in my pjs." It was true. I had just returned from my five-day stint in Vegas and spent this week recuperating and working from home, literally in my pjs. Part of my motivation for attending this event was getting out of the house, showering with a purpose, and having some human interaction.
A lot of people showed up for this event. People were representing all different races, ages, sexual preferences, and all types of relationship status were present (single, married, dating). The only rule was to respect one another's opinion.
I could tell my friend was hopeful for me when a nice looking African American man sat next to me in the circle. He had introduced himself to us at the bar. That was short-lived as he spoke a lot during the discussion and often made the conversation about himself. He also claimed proudly more than once that he hadn't had sex in eight months. Some things are better left unsaid, in my opinion.
The group discussion covered topics from what it's like to date in L.A., to dating someone from work, to the preferred way people like to be hit on. While people shared their perspective, experience, and thoughts on different subjects, there were a few common themes. Everyone was in agreement that meeting IRL is favored to meeting online. Cora was quick to remind everyone that there's no such thing as an "organic meeting." She believes that one person still has to make a move or send off a smoke signal initiating. The other common theme was people prefer to be hit on in a manner that allows them to "opt-in." No one wants to feel forced or uncomfortable in a situation.
Tips on approaching someone were tossed around the room. The consensus was side-comments are the way to go. What's a side-comment? When you're sitting at the bar, commenting on something basically to yourself, i.e., the weather, the music, the food, the atmosphere, but you say it loud enough for the other person to engage should they want to, which could then lead to a full-blown conversation. I don't know if I've personally ever used this technique, but I wouldn't be opposed if a guy used it on me.
As the conversation winded down and Cora opened it up or Q and A, I raised my hand. My question was, "If your time is limited to devote to dating, how should you spend the time you do have: online or IRL AND if it's IRL, where should you go?" Cora started to answer my question and had me elaborate. I explained that I travel for work, that I cover 30 plus states, that Sundays during football season are devoted to the Chargers, and in the small window of time I have to spare, I am podcasting, socializing with friends, or catching up on my sleep.
Cora suggested we connect afterward as she has some ideas to help me use my time better and keep it fun. I will say, sometimes dating seems more like work then it does fun.
I did connect with Cora. I asked that I be able to record our conversation for the podcast which she was in favor of. You never know who else can benefit from these tips. She mentioned a couple of things to me that I agree with, she said:
I need to put myself in situations and in environments where the types of men I am attracted to will be hanging out.
If I believe the dating pool is greater in Los Angeles than in the South Bay, I should pick a day once a week and hang out there. Make that one day a week commitment to showing up for myself and to allow the universe to deliver.
I think this is solid advice, and I am excited to hear what other ideas Cora has for me. As we bid our goodbyes, the oldest man in the room, probably in his 60's approached me and asked for my number. He caught me off guard. He knew I was single from the conversation. He was friendly, but not my type. I gave him my number, and he proceeded to give me a hug, a handshake, another hug, and that's when my friend came to save me. All this talk about feelings followed by whatever interaction that was, lead us back to the bar for a Guinness float, for me, and a classic, Old Fashioned for her.
