5 Thoughts That Hinder Your Dating Life

I'm going to walk you through the 5 most common limiting thoughts we have as women for why we're single and how to move past them to put ourselves on a higher vibrational level. You'll be more confident, happy and you'll present a better version of yourself when that relationship comes your way.

Have you ever caught yourself saying there aren't any good men out there? Men are liars, cheats, they're lazy…and maybe the list continues to spiral. Now I'm not a psychologist. I'm just speaking from personal experience, but when I was single. I'd have these thoughts. It was based on a false narrative I was telling myself because things weren't going my way. Maybe a guy I liked or had a crush on rejected me. Therefore it was easier to flip the script and blame all men than recognize we just weren't a match. Or maybe a man did step out on us in a past relationship, or we watched it happen to our best friend or even a parent. Therefore we generalize and anticipate all men are going to exhibit the same behavior. Add a layer of what we see in the media. Women like Beyoncé and Khloe Kardashian deal with cheating rumors in the public eye, which can cause us to think, man, if Beyoncé's getting cheated on, then we're all doomed.

It's so easy for our brain to support the thoughts we have because that's what your brain does. You have a thought, and your brain looks for evidence to validate the thought. It's how the brain operates. But we have to remember that not all of our thoughts are facts. I want you to do a little exercise. I want you to pick a make and color of a car. I'm going to use a white Range Rover. Today when I head out to run my errands and go about my day, I guarantee I'm going to notice white Range Rovers everywhere. Sure, I live in Los Angeles, and they're a popular vehicle driven here, but when you have a thought, your brain starts to pay attention to what supports that thought. You can do this with anything. Test it out. So, if you start swiping with the mindset that all men are liars, cheats, or whatever the narrative is you're telling yourself, that is what you're going to see and what your brain will fixate on, whether it be on apps or in person.

The next thought that can hinder our ability to date is thinking we're not worthy of a healthy relationship or a good guy. I see this happen all the time. We downplay what we bring to the table. I've done it. I'm sure if you think back and reflect, you'll realize at some point you've done it too. This can be attributed to a lot of different things. We may be comparing ourselves to others, thinking we don't look a certain way, don't have a certain social circle or career, or whatever the case may be, and therefore we're not worthy of a high-value man. This is dangerous because we are actually making decisions and essentially playing a mean game of chess, trying to predict someone else's move. Based on how we think they are going to respond, we make adjustments. We fail to recognize and sometimes lose sight of is we are worthy, and we don't need to change, alter our appearance, dress a certain way, or even weigh a certain amount to be accepted, wanted, or desired. The right person will accept us for who we are. They will fall in love with us for our true authentic selves. Someone out there isn't bothered by a bit of cellulite, adores your style and ability to express yourself through your wardrobe. Someone out there found my snort endearing. We are all worthy.

I don't need a man. This is a phrase or thought that played on repeat in my brain. I didn't need a man. I was self-sufficient. I was an independent woman. I could do it all on my own, not having to answer to anyone, moving through life seeing who I wanted, sleeping with who I wanted, I was free. My money was mine. What did I need a man for? Deep down, I wanted a man to lead, to be my partner, to share life with. I wanted a man to travel with, create memories with, and build a life together. Still, when that isn't presenting itself in our desired timing, we tend to dismiss what we want deep inside and slap a band-aid on the situation telling ourselves we're fine. We got this. Now I'm all for being a strong, independent woman, but we need to be cognizant of creating space for a man or partner if we desire a partnership.

It's really easy to start operating solo and get into a grove where you create an environment that almost shoos men away. Contrary to what some believe, I think men find independent women attractive. However, I think men like to feel needed, need their hero instinct activated, and this may be hard for some women to realize and adjust to accordingly, especially if they've been solo for a long time. This has been the most challenging part of my relationship, two very independent people trying to combine two lives on their journeys. It's doable, and it's coming together, but relationships require compromise and give and take. Being that strong, independent woman, I still need to make space for someone else if I truly desire a relationship.

Online dating sucks. We've all thought this, said this, sat around with our girlfriends and swapped Tindernightmares. And if you know me, you know, I have some strong feelings about apps, app culture, the dating industry as a whole. But here's the thing, we just lived through a pandemic. Bars, restaurants, everything was closed. We were locked in our own homes, forced to put our love lives on hold or succumb to online dating. Now we could talk for hours about the crazy things we see on apps, how every man is in his middle to late 40’s, wanting kids someday but looking for something casual right now, or maybe he doesn't even know what he's looking for. It can be frustrating. It can be overwhelming. It can be discouraging.

But this is how we need to approach online dating. It's a means to connect with others that our typical day-to-day may not allow for. We're all busy, and sometimes while trying to accomplish lofty goals and to-do lists, we make for the day. We aren't present to notice if Mr. Right is checking out in front of us at Wholefoods, sitting at the table next to us at our favorite bar or restaurant. Maybe we don't look approachable at the gym after finishing an elliptical workout with our AirPods in. Dating apps allow us to focus our attention on dating, hone in on opportunities near us, and hopefully make our efforts a bit more efficient using the filters made available. Is it a perfect science? No. Does it still require effort, yes? If used correctly, could it potentially lend itself to a solid connection? Absolutely.

The last thought that can circulate in our heads that doesn't serve us is that we're unlovable. I hear this a lot from older women, who may have endured or stayed in relationships past their expiration dates or from those who've suffered from some form of abuse. They somehow end up taking responsibility for the fall of their relationship. Through flawed deductive reasoning, they determine they're the root cause of the relationship's demise or their inability to find a compatible partner. Relationships are reciprocal, they involve two people, and with that, both parties need to take responsibility and ownership for their stake in that relationship. As women, we cannot internalize or victimize ourselves. Everyone is capable of being loved, period. This is where the relationship we have with ourselves comes into play. We cannot love another until we love ourselves. This is often an area of growth people want to avoid. It's not always easy to work through traumas, past relationships, heartbreak, but it's necessary. We need to make space and allow for healing.

So how do we change the narrative and reframe these 5 thoughts hindering our dating life: there aren't any good men out there, I'm not worthy, I don't need a man, online dating sucks, and I'm just not loveable. We first have to recognize and catch ourselves when these thoughts pop into our heads. Reframing is simply looking at a situation from a different perspective. It's redrafting the narrative in our head to match our desired outcome, which lends itself to the Law of Attraction. Because guess what, if we genuinely believe there aren't any good men out there, we have that thought, we commiserate with a friend who's in the same boat as we are, breathing more energy into our stance, then when we get on an app or even try to meet someone of quality out and about guess what we're going to attract? More of what we don't want. A reframe might be, there are good men out there, I will patiently wait for the right person for me. I am worthy. I desire to share my life with someone. The right relationship will allow me to be myself. The right partner will admire how independent I am. Online dating will enable me to connect with prospective partners easily and efficiently. I can maximize the time I've allotted for dating by being strategic with my approach to dating apps.

At times online dating may feel overwhelming, and I might get burnt out. It's okay for me to take a break from dating. Dating is intended to be fun. It's a process. I trust the universe to guide me on this journey and to bring the right person into my life at the right time. I surrender. I am loveable, period.

If we can flip the script and our language and consistently replace the negativity with positivity, our reality will change. Our dating life will drastically improve. We'll start to notice more of what we want all around us. We'll begin to see more men that align with the type of man we envision ourselves marrying. We'll be more attractive because we'll be operating on a higher vibration level, our energy infectious. We will truly understand that we are special, unique, and no other person like us out there. We're a one-of-a-kind original. You know it's coming. You're Such a Catch. You need to see that and recognize it before someone else can, and you will. It starts today when you commit to reframing your thoughts.

If you need help getting your mindset right, reframing, or overcoming the 5 Thoughts That Hinder Your Dating Life, consider allowing me to coach you. I have been in your shoes. This podcast started from a spoofy Instagram page where I poked fun of men's dating profiles. The only way I could cope with the hardships of dating was to laugh about it, speak sarcastically about the quality of available men. I predicted the outcome of dates before I even ordered my Uber to take me there. Then one day, I realized that to attract and be prepared for the one, I needed to do some work on myself. I needed to dispel all of the myths I was telling myself, change the narrative which started in my head. I worked hard on this, doing affirmations, overcoming trauma through therapy, accepting that things that occurred in past relationships were merely part of my story, but those chapters had closed. I welcomed a new chapter with a clean, fresh slate. I wrote a letter to the universe and said I was ready to receive it. I quit trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

I trusted that the universe would deliver. And it did. 27 days after I wrote that letter. If I had known that all I needed to do was get right with me, with my thoughts, with my mindset, and that would raise my vibration, create this attractive and attractive magnetic energy, and be open to opportunity and abundance, I would have done so the work years ago. Don't waste any more time.

Schedule a discovery call with me, and let's get you ready to receive. Dating is supposed to be fun. It's about the journey. It's about the magic of finding someone that makes your heart skip a beat. It's about wanting to choose them over and over again through the good times and the challenging times. It's about falling in love, the most incredible feeling of them all, and keeping that love alive. You are worthy of this outcome, and I can help you take the necessary steps to get there. It'd be my honor. Call me your Fairy Godmother. Your mind is powerful. Reframe your thoughts and watch your life change right before your eyes.