Feeling myself

Due to the sensitive subject matter in this podcast episode, consider who is within earshot before things heat up. 

This may not be the best episode for Alexa to be blasting in the living room, or maybe it is. Enough foreplay. Let's get to it. May is National Masturbation Month, so it only felt appropriate to do an episode and touch on the subject matter. Look at me, full of puns. I'm trying to lighten the mood. Do people really talk about this stuff? The answer is yes, but seemingly not enough. 

To provide some history on how the celebration came to be, Masturbation Month started in 1995 due to U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders' forced resignation in December 1994. After a speech at the UN World AIDS Day, a member of the audience asked the Surgeon General about masturbation's potential for discouraging early sexual activity. Her response, "I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught." Elders' career ended abruptly, but National Masturbation Month was conceived. Good Vibrations, a San Francisco-based Sex Shop, wanted to keep the momentum going and release any stigmas or shame associated with the act. So here we are, literally 26 years later, still going strong. We must be using energizer batteries in our toys.

I'm definitely not a Sex Therapist or a Doctor like our girl, Sex with Emily, but most advocates who are pro masturbation and education make it easy to learn why we should be discussing this and not clamming up like innocent schoolgirls when the subject arises.

Masturbation Month is now a platform for brands and wellness experts to increase awareness around self-pleasure in terms of products to use and the benefits of masturbating. Gone are the taboos of touching yourself, myths it will make you go blind or grow hair on your palms—total bunk. Instead, new research and anecdotal evidence suggest that regular masturbation can actually help ease stress, boost energy levels, and increase feelings of self-worth and self-confidence. Okurr. 

So, where did things go wrong? I know growing up, this was not discussed. I don't recall it being discussed in school either. I'm sure we joked about it as kids, but it wasn't until my adult life that honest discussions were had amongst friends. Of course, keep in mind, I am also quite naïve and didn't realize exactly how a gloryhole operates. During the lockdown, there was all this talk about gloryholes as we banned together as a country, hoarding toilet paper and trying to control our sexual urges. That was a thing. Do I respond yes to the "U up?" text when Rona is on the loose. Cum on. We should be playing a drinking game here. Every time I make a pun, you drink. Drink up, buttercup.  

Depending on your upbringing and family dynamic, maybe shame was associated with masturbation. Perhaps it was seen as having impure thoughts. Historically we've been taught that it's wrong. It's kind of like cannabis. It's been made out to be the bad guy for a long, long time, but in actuality, there are several health and wellness benefits. Let's explore those. 

Masturbation is known to release a chemical called oxytocin which acts as a pain reliever for our bodies. Self-pleasure has the unique power to decrease stress, alleviate aches & pains, induce sleep and improve your immune system. An equally important benefit is that it carries no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Some studies have shown that for women, masturbation has increased their sex drive, ability to achieve an orgasm, helped to relieve menstrual cramps and improved lubrication of the lady parts. For men, there's some scuttlebutt that regular ejaculation can reduce the chance of prostate cancer, but no one is hanging their hat on that as a hard fact just yet.

So how does masturbation work? Don't worry. This is an audio-only podcast, no video tutorials. Ha! But in my research on Masturbation Month, I did come across some interesting stuff. My mind was blown. For instance, Erika Lust is hosting an online live masturbation event covering tips and tricks for mind-blowing solo sex, while two adult performers give an explicit demo and show you how it's done. Say what? Can you imagine applying for that job? She seems to be very forward-thinking with her indie adult cinema company, so much, so she's established what she calls Wank O'Clock. For the month of May, she's encouraging her employees to take 30-minutes a day to masturbate during work hours. No, that sounds like a legitimate perk of the job. I can only imagine her letting Human Resources know her intention heading into May. To be a fly on the wall for that conversation. 

Back to the task at hand. You guys, my pun game. It's on fire. Since everybody is unique, each person gets to decide what works for them. There isn't a "right" way to masturbate. Some people use sex toys. Some people choose to watch some form of visual stimulation while in the act. Others need only their imagination. Masturbation isn't just for single folks. People with or without sexual partners can masturbate, and it can be helpful to communicate with their partner what they like and do not like. 

Part of the process is learning your body, what you like, what you don't like, understanding what makes you climax, how to get there, and feeling comfortable sharing this information with a partner. Women, you cannot be shy. A man is going to get his. I'm not pulling the female card, but what I'm saying is men need direction, and we already know they're not good at asking for it, so we just need to assume he's never been there before and act like we're Google Maps and give him step by step directions. We don't want to be Waze, were not looking to skip steps and find shortcuts. We are on a joy ride. If you get nothing else from this episode, quit faking it, or feeling pressure to fake it or keep your man's ego inflated. Instead, use Masturbation Month wisely, find what feels right and then articulate that to your partner so you can replicate it as a couple. 

With the increase in discussing masturbation publicly, several celebrities have risen to the occasion. Amy Schumer, Jada Pinkett Smith, Ana Kendrick, to name a few, but one has made it a personal mission to speak out about self-love and sexual empowerment. Singer Lily Allen is a spokeswoman for Womanizer, a partner to YSC, and the second sponsor of today's episode. Lily's collaboration with Womanizer resulted in a special edition toy - a new LIBERTY, which the singer has designed with powerful, vibrant colors.​​ Together they hope to demonstrate that masturbation is completely natural - and something beautiful. It doesn't matter what it looks like. They believe we are all responsible for making ourselves happy and enjoying our sexuality. It's about sexual fulfillment - and about making the world a little more open. Trying new things and accepting ourselves for who we are. Womanizer is offering 20% off to YSC Listeners.

Let's talk about frequency. If you're working for Erika Lust, we already know you're on the 30-minute a day plan during work hours to keep the boss at bay or at least for the month of May. But there's no right or wrong number. Some people choose to masturbate often, every day, or even more than once a day. Some people choose to do it once a week or once every few weeks. Some people never masturbate, but we know they're lying. Kidding.  

Suppose your boss isn't as pro masturbation as Erika Lust, and masturbation becomes too much, maybe it's getting in the way of your job, other responsibilities, perhaps you no longer feel the need to socialize, date or adult. In that case, you may want to seek the help of a professional, maybe a counselor or therapist. 

Likewise, masturbation can be a touchy subject, so if you feel bad about your actions or feel any kind of guilt, remember that it's natural and perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with the act. However, if you are still having difficulty normalizing it, you may also want to consult with a counselor or therapist to overcome these thoughts, feelings, or emotions. 

If you're looking for inspiration, information or curiosity killed the cat, Emojibator has a 31 Days of Self Love Challenge featuring exclusive stories and advice on practicing mindful masturbation. 

One small step toward normalizing and educating on the subject matter was done today, and for that, we can pat ourselves on the puss, wait I'm not Erika Jayne, not to be confused with Erika Lust. Your back! Pat yourself on the back.