I Claim Courage To Do Hard Things
There’s so much to share, and although I decided to leave my relationship almost three weeks ago, it’s still so fresh and tender. I’ve grappled over how to share this news since the moment it happened.
I didn’t want to let you down. You’ve allowed me to share so much on the podcast, without judgment, creating space for me to share my truth. I take this platform with great responsibility and was committed from the beginning to not just talk the talk but also to walk the walk. This decision is one I’m proud of, and I think you’ll be proud of me too.
As sad as I am going through the grieving process, losing someone who was my best friend and who I thought was the one for me, I realize how much I’ve grown as a person. I attribute that growth to this show and the focus I’ve placed on looking inward rather than outward. Baiting the hook with self-love is a must and what is getting me through this trying time.
I’ve been treating myself as if I’m my own coaching client. I’ve talked to myself the same way I would speak to a woman who came to me for help during a difficult time or break up. I’ve been gentle. I listened and reminded myself of the bigger picture, guiding myself toward the lesson or lessons to be learned and also extending grace just as I would to anyone who works with me. It’s been highly effective in navigating this challenging time.
Ending a relationship when there’s a major catalyst to do so seems easier, but we’ve all endured a breakup, and regardless of the circumstance, heartbreak sucks. I’m not going to get into too much detail now, maybe later when I’m further along in my healing journey, but I want to emphasize that I had a gut feeling, an intuition that this was no longer the relationship for me. I would have 100% swept those feelings under the rug in the past. I was in love. I was comfortable. I was living the fairytale I conjured in my head, on my way to marriage, kids, everything I’ve always wanted. But who would I be, talking about self-love week in and week out, which I’m not sure if you’ve recognized is a common theme in Season 3? Despite what my guests are claiming, they all allude to the importance of your relationship with yourself, being your own BFF, loving the person whose reflection you see in the mirror. So I made the difficult decision to part ways with my partner.
I trust you have faith in my decision-making process and know if I thought there was another viable option, I would have taken it. Unfortunately, in my eyes, there was not. It’s been quite some time since I’ve gone through a breakup. I forgot how hard it can be. The first few days, I didn’t sleep. I hardly ate anything. I cried my way through a box of Kleenex and a Costco-sized roll of TP. I confided in a few friends, didn’t even feel up to sharing with my family. Not only was I grieving the loss of my best friend and partner, but also all the fun holiday festivities we had planned. We were going to go visit his mom. He was going to spend Christmas at my parent’s house. Envisioning us drinking hot cocoa looking at Christmas lights living our own version of a Hallmark movie. All of these things were no longer.
As the days progressed, it became easier to talk about. Talking felt a little more therapeutic. Speaking of therapeutic, I reached out to my therapist immediately. She wasn’t available as mental health issues are at an all-time high due to the pandemic, but I’m on her calendar. I’ve said several times on this show. It’s okay to ask for help, something I wish I had done pending other breakups from my past. I am not great with not being go-go-go, but the lack of sleep and stress resulted in me getting pretty sick. I lost my voice and physically felt equivalent to my emotional state, miserable. I tried to rest, but my brain wouldn’t shut off. The tears wouldn’t stop falling. I didn’t have an attention span, so trying to binge a fun show wasn’t even appealing.
My support system has been second to none. I’ve had several people checking on me, texting me daily, calling me, making sure I get out of the house, putting on pants, and washing my hair. I hate washing my hair during normal times, let alone trying times. I received flowers, cookies, gift baskets, a massage gift certificate. I am speechless and grateful to those who love me for showing up for me in this way. I am so fortunate. And as the days pass and these kind gestures continue, my tears fall for gratitude more than sadness.
I’ve made moves to help me in my healing process, like unpinning him from the top section in my phone. I changed how his contact is listed in my phone to remind myself why I’m choosing no contact. I unfollowed him on Instagram. Now that social media is so prevalent, and technology knows our patterns and routines so well. You almost have to do this immediately if you’re going through a break-up. Otherwise, your phone or the social app will continue to serve their stories and feed first and insist you’re trying to communicate with the individual every time you draft a message or try and send a meme. I didn’t need this reminder of reality.
There are moments when I feel weak and want to reply to his messages or reach out. Maybe I see something that reminds me of him, or something happens that I’d normally go to him first with, but I refrain. By sheer strength in that regard has surprised even me. I do have a secure attachment style, and I’ve had moments of co-dependency, reminding myself what that is like when you’re moving forward. Your ex is like a drug, and your brain wants another hit of that dopamine they provide. As much as you want to cave and do it to get that hit, it does nothing but put you back at square one. Same with utilizing them for closure. I decided I’d have to find closure on my own, and I’m in the process of doing that. Again, this is a strength I didn’t realize I encompassed.
As I continue to grieve the potential of what I thought was there, I have had some natural fears surface. I worry I won’t want to put myself out there again. I am concerned this experience will negatively shape how I approach relationships moving forward. But I also know I trust myself. I can talk myself through these fears and concerns because I am honoring myself, what I want, how I should be treated, and I don’t have to do anything until I’m ready. This choice will raise my vibration and help me attract the man I’m destined to be with; I believe that wholeheartedly without a shadow of a doubt. I manifested a man once, and I will do it again—this time with more clarity.
Before making this decision, I felt as if I was out of alignment somehow. I’m not sure if you’ve ever felt that way, but it’s not a good feeling. You feel off energetically. You feel disconnected, like your mind, heart, and body are in opposition. Almost immediately after making this choice, I felt a shift. Things started to happen that either had been happening prior, but I didn’t notice them, or being out of alignment was preventing them from happening, and this one shift began to open up doors. I’ve been attracting people into my life near and far who were complete strangers but now are main characters in my healing journey. I have a deck of Collette Baron Reid’s The Spirit Animal Oracle cards and selected one the other night. I don’t know if you’re a believer, but I am. I pulled Cat Spirit in the reverse. I’m going to share it with you because it couldn’t have been more spot on. If you don’t know what in reverse is, it’s simply when the card is upside down. The message: Claim Your Independence When Cat Spirit meows, she is calling you to claim your independence and allow for some space between you and others in your life. The only way you can grow in all your relationships now is to have a healthy sense of self-respect and self-worth. When you walk with dignity, knowing who you are, self-aware and willing to grow, trusting the value you bring, the world will mirror all this back to you in kind. When you say no to co-dependency and enmeshment, live and let live, and practice taking risks as you wander into new territory for you, Cat Spirit rejoices. She is here to urge you to let your independent spirit roam free.
Wow; right? I receive this message. So, a reverse card means it’s a course correction from the universe. While we may not understand why something in our life is happening, like me questioning why the universe would bring me the man of my dreams only for it to end this way, the universe is protecting me. What seems like a curse now is actually a blessing—or a lesson—in disguise. And when I look at this time through that lens, remembering the universe has my back, although it is painful today, I know there’s a greater plan for me. The sooner I can move forward from the past, the sooner I can be present to experience what that is.
I definitely didn’t see this situation playing out the way it did, but I’m excited to see what’s next for me in my quest for love. One woman the universe recently brought into my life is Trudy Stoner. She’s a Love Alchemist. See how divine that connection is! Last week, we were on a Zoom, and she shared this parable with me. It’s so beautiful. I had tears in my eyes, so I want to share it with you.
A little girl bought a plastic pearl necklace with the money she had been saving all year. She loved her pearls and felt so grown up when she wore them. She only took them off when she went swimming or took a bath. Though the pearls weren’t real, that didn’t matter to her. She had bought them all by herself.
This little girl had a loving father. One day he said to her, “Honey, do you love me?”
“Yes, Daddy,” she said. “You know I love you.”
“Then will you give me your pearls?” her father asked.
“Not my pearls!” the little girl practically gasped. “But you can have my toy horse.”
“That’s okay, Sweetheart. I love you,” he replied. And then he kissed her cheek. About a week later, the father asked his little girl again, “Do you love me?”
“Daddy, you know I love you,” she said.
“Then will you give me your pearls?” he repeated.
“Not my pearls. But I’ll give you my baby doll.”
“That’s okay. I love you,” the father answered. And once again he gave her a kiss on the cheek.
This same routine happened again and again, and the little girl began to wonder, “If Daddy loves me, why does he want to take away something I love?”
Then one day the little girl walked up to her father with tears in her eyes and held out her fake pearl necklace. “Here, Daddy. This is for you,” she said.
The father reached out a hand to take the necklace, and with his other hand, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a velvet case. Inside that case was a strand of genuine pearls, chosen with love and care for his daughter. He had had the pearls all along but was waiting for his daughter to give up what she had so that he could give her something even better.
At times in life, we’re going to be called to give up our plastic pearls so the universe can bless us with a genuine set. How tight are we clinging to those plastic pearls? Do we even realize the set we’re coveting isn’t the real thing? Mediate on that? I know I did.
Takeaways from this episode to stash in your tackle box:
Listen to your intuition. Trust your gut. When something feels off, it probably is.
It's okay to lean on your support system, family, and friends during a breakup or any challenging time. You do not have to go through things solo.
Allow yourself to feel, cry, experience the different stages of grief, go at your own pace, make strides as you’re able.
Work toward mind, heart, and body alignment.
Determine whether or not you’ve been clinging to a set of plastic pearls. If you have, now is the time to release them so the universe can bless you with genuine ones. All you have to do is trust.
Thank you so much for listening
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